Subconscious Desires
by Bloody Rice Ball
Summary: Stabbing someone in the back, is like stabbing yourself in the back. It hurts both people. For me, for Gin, and I'm pretty sure Tosen. I'm not sure if Aizen could feel anything. We all left someone we loved behind in this war. It's time you heard our side of the story. Toshiro/OC/Gin, Byakuya/OC, and Ken/OC
1. Prologue

**A/N: New story, yes I know I'm horrible. But I just wanted to write this. Hope you like, and forgive all mistakes~ R&R**

**Disclaimer: Nope do not own, if I did ALOT of the male captains and vice-captains would be running around shirtless.**

Somethings are not ment to be... A true saying in a since, it's all dependent on what you believe in. Like say it's Fate, or Destiny that you put your faith in. This saying is perfect for you. But if its yourself and luck, and all that jazz. Then no.

You'd know that it's only your subconscious desire, to end what ever it is what's 'not ment to be'. Because, in all reality your scared. Of what could happen. And sacred of your frailty.

And_ that _is what I believe in. Well, now I do.

Being related to madness has a way to change your mind.

Because, I was scared, I did something. And because I did that, I lost the love of my life. And the worst part is... is that I was willfully doing it, and that I got some sort of masochistic glee seeing his face distort into hurt and betrayal.

That is a sort of pain, that will crush down on you until... until you die. Worse then death, worse then a scar, and worse then being stabbed in the back. Is being the one doing the stabbing.

Guess in can't hold it in any longer... I'm Uragiri, my name literally being translated into betrayal.

_Guess I was just trying to follow my namesake._

_And yes, I maybe a bit emo.. But trust me it was worse when I was in puberty._

Prologue

"Giri-Chan!" A young male yapped happily, his small body running towards his best friend. "I've got Jelly Beans!" He grinned, looking at a tree, with another equally small girl as him, leaning against it.

"Really!" She grinned, taking the cloth bag from his hands. Then popping one in her mouth, looking at him

"Giri!" He frowned, his childlikeness leaving as soon as he came, as he snatched the bag back from her clutches, "Those are for Granny!"

Giri furrowed her eyes in confusion, "Then why'd, ya' tell me?" She snapped, leaning back against the tree. Her yukata rubbing uncomfortably against the bark. Her dark grey hair going back to cover her eyes and partially her cheeks.

"Because..." He answered, glaring at his friends.

"Because your a baka." She finished, puffing out her checks.

"I'm not a baka!" The boy growled, his eyes narrowing again.

"Yes you are." Giri denied, walking over to him and patting him on the shoulder, "But I keep you anyways. Your stupidity make me feel smart."

He raised a condescending eyebrow, "Nothing could ever make you smart. And I am not a dog!"

"You act like one." She shrugged, "Coulda' fooled me."

Walking away, she called over her shoulder, "Ya' know ya' love me anyways Toshiro!"

His put down eyebrow raised again, "I'd never love you Uragiri!"

"See ya' later Shiro-Chan!"

She heard something that distantly sounded like, "Don't call me that." And brushed it off, having heard him say it millions of times.

She scoffed to her herself, twiddling a piece of her hair in her hands, trying to cover up her blush. A part if her couldn't help but feel dejected, at the fact that the boy she had a crush on said he'd never love her.

It stung.

But being a masochist, the small seeming eight year old girl didn't mind. Only a bit saddened.

See even at eight, someone could be a masochist. That says things.

But she'd wait. She had a lot of patience. She could wait, for the day when Toshiro Hitsugaya said he loved her.

_Toshiro_

His raised eyebrow went down when he saw her leave. Her form walking farther away. Walking in the other direction, he thought about the Soul Reapers, and that orange hairsed one. Then about the chill...

He froze, clenching his fist around the bag. Only moving after he sighed, and kept walking on the path.

He'd taken that bag as a excuse to see her one last time, even though he'd gotten the beans yesterday. All he wanted to do was see her, so he could be happy with leaving.

But his heart sank at the thought of becoming a soul reaper. He'd be leaving Giri, and Granny. But on the bright side he'd see Momo again.

He didn't even have the gull to say goodbye. To scared of explaining it. And to sacred of her trying to follow him. In a way he knew she'd find out one way or another, but he didn't want to be the one telling. She'd see him again, he knew that.

Because today wasn't goodbye. It was merely, see you later... well for him at least. But for her it was a, 'You-fuckin'-betrayed-me-and-you'll-pay-for-it'.

He winced, afraid of the future.

_Giri_

Giri woke up with a start, her dark gray hair flying in a halo around her head. Sitting up on the futon, the girl smoothed out the wrinkles in her white sleeping yukata. Blinking her hazel orbs.

Uragiri was a normal girl, quiet, wellbehaved, shy, only really speaking to her family and Toshiro. Licking her lips, she got off her futon and walked over to her closet to grab another plain yukata.

"Kaa-Chan!" She called, leaving to go into the living room. Her small bare feet, paddling slowly to it. A since of foreboding washing over her.

"Granny?" Giri asked seeing Shiro's Grandma in the living room talking to her mom.

She smiled kindly at the young girl, patting on a cushion on the rights side of her. "I would like to talk about Toshiro-..." as the story went on, Giri's face didn't change from the slightly smiling look.

"I'm sorry Giri-Chan." Her mom, Fumiko apologized wrapping her arms around the girl.

"It's fine Kaa-Chan," Giri turned to the old lady, "Thank you for telling me." She bowed, blinking.

Fumiko raised a eyebrow, "What, don't you want to become a Soul Reaper?"

Giri frowned, shaking her head. "No, I'm fine here. It's Toshiro's problem if he wants to become one." She shrugged, shaking her mom off and getting up off the cushion. "Now what are we having for breakfast?"


	2. Kami, Gin, and Momo

**A/N: Sorry for my mistakes, my Beta is well somewhere~ R&R**

Sighing, I opened the umbrella walking out into the rain. "I'm leaving Rai!" I called behind me, not caring if she heard me one way or another. Just listening to the soft pelting of water on my umbrella. Letting the water sooth me.

_Damn, now I have ta' pee._ I cursed, reaching into my Shihakushō for the map, only to find it missing, _God damn it._ I growled, walking past houses in the Rukongai. Hoping to get to the Seireitei soon.

_Why da' fuck did they make it so confusing? _ I asked myself, puffing out my cheeks in a childish manor, not caring who saw me in my act of indiscretion. Well I do care, it's just that I needed to pee so bad that I could care less about my reputation.

I blushed as a child pointed to my, pushing my head down into my hair. Great my reputation is already ruined and this is my first day as a Shinigami. Kami just kill me now!

Entering the Seireitei through the Hakutōmon, I reached into my Shihakushō for the letter I got from the Sōtaichō, well been delivered. Same difference.

_Junrinan Uragiri, you are to report to the Eleventh Squad, at Two Thirty AM. Under the order of I Genryūsai Yamamoto, the Sōtaichō, you shall be the Third Seat of Squad Eleven, prior to becoming a Shinigami._

Therest was just blah! Stuff I could care less about.

How many people can say they became a seated officer on becoming a Shinigami! I'm guessing alot, but bah who cares. But how many people can say, they became a a Shinigami after only eleven months? Huh, none!

Walking through the maze of buildings that all looked the same I grimaced, scratching my head. _Why the hell is it like this! How the hell am I supposed to find Squad Eleven?_ Come to think of it, how do regular Shinigami find their way around?

"Hello are ya' lost?" A voice asked, it smooth and sarcastic. _Yes obviously, _I wanted to say, but I blushed and turned around. Seeing a Taicho, and a Fukutaichō approaching me. _Damn_.

Looking at the Taicho's Haori, I deduced he was from Squad Five. Aizen Souske, if I remember correctly. What are two high seated officers doing walking in the rain? Without a umbrella no less.

"Y-yes, do ya' know where Squad Eleven is?" I asked uncertainty, nibbling on my lower lip. Trying to hide my embarrassment.

The silver haired Fukutaicho, burst out laughing whilst the Captain tried his best to hide a amused smile. "It's right there ya' baka!" He said between laughs, pointing to a big sign that had the Eleventh Squad insignia on it. _Wow I'm stupid, no wonder he's laughen' at me._

**Don't take that shit! Show em' who's da' boss! **My Zanpakutō, who had yet to tell me it's name, yelled to me, giving me a slight migraine. **Come on, come on, come on, come o-,**

"SHUT UP!" I yelled at it, only I did it out loud. The Fukutaicho stoped, whilst the tachio raised a eyebrow. The silver haired man raised his lips to say something, but I intervened, "Oh shut it, I wasn't talking to you." I snapped, the more irritable side of me coming out.

Already I hated this man, and it wasn't because of his grin, or his narrowed eyes, or his hair. It was because he was making fun of me. And although shy, I do have a tendency to snap at people I hate.

**Oh I got ya', I got ya!** The Zanpakutō laughed gleefully.

Blushing madly I turned to the Tachio, "I'm sorry sir." I bowed, still embarrassed. Turing away, I went to where the Fukutachio pointed. I walked away as fast a I could without looking weird.

"Ya' got alota' balls talkin' to a Fukutachio like that!" The Fukutaicho yelled, getting the last word. I could practical feel his narrowed eyes on me, and his grin.

"Whatever." I muttered awkwardly, pulling the umbrella further down to cover my face again. I blush alot, you'll find. And I get embarrassed easily. Like I said earlier, kami kill me now!

Walking around the muddy sparing field, where two men were right now. I looked around trying to find the Taichos office. But finding it near impossible. Even right now the Seireitei is impossible to navigate.

Not even one of the squad members tried to help me, only glaring at me openly. _What the hell did I ever do ta' them?_

Sighing I ignored all the glares, pushing my umbrella up showing my face. Luckily most of my bangs covered my left eye whilst my messy braid of hair fell over my left shoulder. Cold air hit my Shihakushō, making the one piece bottom blow up almost reveling my undies.

I blushed, pushing it back down. My Shihakushō was more like a black kimono, falling the regular length of a Shihakushō only it not being like pants. The only other thing that was different was that my sleeves were skin tight, unlike my bottoms.

I found this outfit easier to put on the normal one. Sue me for wanting convince.

Brushing hair from my right eye, I walked up the steps closing my umbrella. I figured that this was the door to the Taicho's office. ...Eh, who knows. I could be walking in on a person having sex.

But that is a risk I am willing to take.

Opening the bamboo screen door, I walked in on a small pink haired girl writing on a large mans face who was drooling on his desk. He wore a haori, with black hair that reached just past his shoulders. Even sitting down you could tell he was built like a brick shit house, and was as tall as hell.

_Fuck, _this is my Taicho? I'm going to die...

This is worse then walking in on sex.

The Fukutaicho, I guess, stopped drawing and looked at me. Jumping of the desk her pink hair flying everywhere. "HI, I'm Yachiru!" She grinned up at me, resulting in a groan from the Taicho.

"Yachiru, shut the fuck up." He groaned, looking up from the desk and staired blankly at me. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at his face. Crappy little doodles were everywhere on his face. "What the hells so fuckin' funny?" He asked, glaring at me.

Blushing again, I shook my head, "N-nothing Taicho."

"Ken-Chan, met Emo-Chan!" Yachiru yipped happily taking my hand. E-Emo-Chan? Why! Is it because ny hair covers my eye, or because I'm quiet?

I said it a million times before and I'll say it again, Kami kill me.

Ken-_Chan_, smirked showing off a row of sharp teeth, "Hello _Emo_-Chan," He greeted, making me wince."I'm guessing your our new third seat, Junrinan Somethin'."

"J-Junrinan Uragiri sir." I corrected hesitantly, nibbling my lip as I watched his face.

"Eh, whatever. Do the paperwork." He ordered, laying his head on his desk again closing his eyes.

Blinking, I was surprised by his non-hostility. I wasn't really surprised in his order, just his tone. Never knew someone of his stature could be so gentle.

"Come on Emo-Chan! I'll show you your office." Where'd she'd learn that word, she's just a kid. Dang, her parents are messed da' fuck up.

"O-Okay." Reluctantly I followed her from the room, her small from skipping the entire way.

How is one girl this cheery? When I was her age I was hanging out with... him. Actually, she's probably better off then I was. At least she's not hanging out with one of the biggest dick's ever.

Wait never mind, she kinda is with one of the biggest douches ever. I pity her. Maybe he'll leave her to go off on some soul trip, with no goodbye, just acting normal then leaves.

No I have not let go of the fact that he left me. I wouldn't be so mad if he had said goodbye. But no, he was to pussy to say goodbye. The only reason I became a Shinigami, was because I was killing my family with my Reiryoku.

I really am a hypocrite. At least I said goodbye, to _all _the people I know.

Scared. Pff, whatever. He's just a big jerkwad. Go die in a hole _Shiro-Chan._ Momo is way better she said goodbye, and she visits. Not once has Toshiro visited us. Not even his Granny.

I really can hold a grudge. And I probably won't let it go, not even if he apologized.

"Emo-Chan, why is your sword there?" Yachiru asked, pouting her lips as she looked up me, grabbing my hand in her small grip.

My Katana, was where Soi-Fon kept hers only my was the normal size. I woulda' kept mine over my shoulder, but I knew that was where he'd put his. And in the normal spot on my hip seemed over used, so I put up above my butt.

The Katana in general was blue, the grip was blue and gold, the sheath was blue, the line attached to the sheath keeping it where it was, was blue. The only thing that wasn't blue was the blade itself and guard. Which was in a cloudish shape.

All in all, it was blue with a cloud looking guard.

"Because I want ta'?" I answered, hoping it was enough to sate her childlike curiosity. Probably not.

Yachiru frowned for a second."Oh okay!" She grinned, pulling me along by tugging in my hand. Kami, it's hard to know what's running through her mind. For a kid, she really is complex. Only Kami knows the kind of life she's had."Emo-Chan, where are we going again?"

If she wasn't holding my hand, I would've face plamed. Instead I raised a eyebrow, "To my office?" I think that's what she said. My office, time really flies. It feels like yesterday, that I was training with my Tou-Chan.

Geez now I feel old... I'm only three hundred forty. Why Kami why! I'm almost an old granny! All I need are the little kid running around me.

Oh, wait here's one holding my hand. Wahhhhhhh, I feel like crying. Am I being melodramatic, yes. But I'm old. And still a virgin, now that is something to cry over.

Slamming open a door, Yachiru grinned up at me. Tugging on my hand I entered.

Oh dear Kami, I am really serious about this. Kill me now.

There is no way in blue hell that I'm doing all this fuckin' paperwork. It was almost overflowing over out of the office. Damn, fuck, shit. I'm not supposed be officially a third seat tilll next week.

Nooooo! Am I being melodramatic this time also? No. And if you were here you'd be yelling to the heavens also. "Am I supposed to do all this?" I turned down to look at Yachiru to find she had disappeared.

Navigating the mountains of papers, I found my desk. The small light overhead, set off on the papers making it like mountains of fire, mixed with small flakes of white kinda like ice. If I didn't have to do all that work, I'd think it was pretty.

Pressing my nails into my palm, I pushed all the papers off the desk. Why can't I just set it all on fire?

Not my style.

Brushing the papers from the chair I sat down, grabbing a some ink and a brush from the folds of my Shihakushō set it down on the clear wooden desk.

Now lets start.

_Five hours later._

I was still writing, and I only had one pile done. Next time I am forcing my squad to do there work, I am not a slave damn it! If a person so much as drops a piece of paper in here, I will murder them without remorse.

Scribbling my name on another paper I sighed. Lighting these papers on fire, seriously seems like a viable option now. Either that, or get Yachiru to destroy the rest. Seriously, 80% of the papers I have looked at have been destroyed be Yachiru's scribbles. Meaning I only had a short amount of papers on my desk.

The rest were behind me, in large garbage bags.

It was still strenuous work having to read through all the papers.

Very strenuous. Oh how I wish Rei was here.

**Yeah yeah, get ta' work so we can have a break later.**

_Tsh, you can't boss me around_. I growled, blocking its voice out.

Damn it's annoying. Wish Zaraki would just take care of his own work. Bastard.

"_Third Seat _Junrinan." A voice asked, I turned from writing ny signature on yet another paper. She held a couple of papers, looking at the mountains of others. "Oh, so wow. Never mind, I'll just go." She said, pointing her thumbs to the exit.

"Eh, give em' here." I ordered, holding my hand out. "Whats ya' name?" I asked, as she set the papers down. I didn't blink as I scribbled my initials on it without looking away from her face.

"Marsile, _ma'am._" She sneered, glaring at me.

What da' fuck did I do to her? I blushed, nibbling on my lip, "N-nice ta' meet ya'." I greeted, holding out my hand.

"Eh, whatever." Marsile glared, stomping out of the room.

**She's just jealous.** He chuckled.

_Shut up._ I snapped again, putting the papers Marsile gave me in a pile.

[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}

Sipping some tea, I tapped my fingers against the wooden desk as the Third Seat of The Forth Squad kept talking and talking.

I think I'd rather be writing at my desk... and that's saying something.

I was here because, the Taicho ordered me to meet all the Third Seats. And the reason he did that was because the Sotaicho order him to order me. Ceremonial crap or something. Damn old man.

"Umm, Third Seat Funko?" I asked, tapping my nails against the wood again.

He waved his hand at me, "Oh Giri-Chan I told you to call me Rou!" He giggled.

What type of man giggles? Giggles!

"O-okay, _Rou_ I need to meet the next third seat." I rushed, getting up from my chair and backing out. Soon I left the room, waking through the wet Seireitei.

Kami, that man can talk. I'm pretty sure he's gay also. A shame. A damn shame. Because he's hot as hell. If I wasn't so blabber mouthed, I'd date him. Nice ass too.

_Hey!_ Just because I'm a Shinigami doesn't mean that I can't look at people's asses. I'd be bored out of my mind, if I couldn't look at peoples butts. Be bored as hell, I tell ya'. I've even looked at _Ken-Chans._

Man he'd be an animal in bed. Wouldn't mind it either. Other then the draw back of not being able to walk for a week. But I'm pretty sure I'd be worth it.

See what I think about when I'm alone. How good my Taicho'd be in bed.

Entering the Fifth Squad, I looked for the Tachio's office. Which surprisingly, was there right as you entered. Whilst my squad is a fuckin' maze.

I snorted, looking at all the peaceful Shinigami be lax. And doing what looked like... yoga... WTF, is this a hippy convention. Is it like make peace not war? I wonder if their going to be smoking pot?

Chuckling, I passed all the yoga people. Wow this is what they do in their spare time? Gay.

Opening the bamboo door to Aizen Taicho's office. Both the Tachio and the Idiot looked up at me from their paper work. "Um sorry for the interruption, but is your Third Seat here?" I asked, ignoring the silver haired man.

"You must be the new Third Seat Junrinan Uragiri, it's nice to meet you.", Aizen smiled, tilting his head to the left. Fake, so fake. Must have good reasons, but damnnnn. He is a good actor, hot to. I'd love to hit that.

Wonder how good in bed he is? And how big his di- Stop! Don't think those thoughts about a Taicho.

I blushed madly, "Pl-pleasure." I bowed, nibbling my lip as perverted thoughts ran through my head. About him hovering over me- Gah no!

"Ah, yur that girl who got lost ain't ya'." The Fukutaicho, Gin I believe grinned at me. I can't say I don't find him hot.

Him above me nibbling on my- NOPE. Not going to happen.

"Obviously." I drawled, glaring at him. I turned back to the Taicho, "Now do ya' know where your Third Seat is?" I asked, blushing at my snappy attitude. He shook his head returning to his work. I turned to the Fukutachio, "Do ya', ya' baka!"

"Ah, sorry I'm late Taicho!" A eerily familiar voice apologized, as I turned to the one girl who I missed majorly."Giri-Chan!" She squealed excitedly, running over to me. I opened my arms prepping for her hug.

"Momo-Chan!" I giggled, only instead of a hug she hit me over my head.

"Giri, don't say things like that!" She ordered, she turned to her Fukutaicho, "Sorry Ichimaru-Fukutaicho." Momo apologized, bowing.

Ichimaru chuckled, putting his chin on his folded hands, "It's fine Momo-Chan, I fine her quite funny." He grinned.

Pursing my lips, I got the sudden compulsion to stick out my tongue. I hate him, just die. Can I just kill him now please? Such a dick! Worse the my Taicho. I puffed out air from my nose, kinda like a sigh.

"Can we go Momo, I have to visit other squads." I whined, nibbling my lips as I folded my arms under my boobs.

"Umm, Giri-Chan you might want to skip the Tenth." Momo winced, nibbling in her lower lip.

Ichimaru's grin turned into a frown, "Rangiku-Chan's not that bad, an' I didn't think Shiro was either."

"Shiro?" I asked, turning to him.

He grinned again, "Yup, Hitsugaya Toshiro the lil'genius." My eyes narrowed.

"Thanks for warning me Momo." I nodded, "But I'm under orders of the Sotaicho, that I have to visit _all _the squads."

"Come on, let's have fun!" Momo squealed again, pulling me out the door.

I know she's just trying to get my mind off of him. But I'll have to face my problems some time.

**Meanings, if you don't know them:**

**Shihakushō- Garment of the dead, the normal Shinigami outfit.**

**Hakutōmon- The West Gate, Lit. White Way Gate (****白道門****)**

**Taicho- Captain**

**Soutaicho-Commander Captain**

**Fukutaicho-Vice Captain**

**Uragiri- Betrayal**

**Junrinan- Lit. Lush Forest Peace (****潤林安****) first district in the West Rukongai.**

**Uragiri's name meaning is Lush Peace Forest of Betrayal. **


	3. Psychotic Desires

**A/N: Sorry for all my mistakes, and for the late update. Hope you like~**

**Beta: MIA**

In taking a breath, I looked around as I entered the tenth Squad. My heart was fluttering lightly, as I looked at the bamboo doors to the Taicho's office. _Kami, now I know why Yachiru calls me Emo-Chan._

For some reason, there was a foreboding since washing over me. As I brushed my hand through my ashey grey locks. All the others had gone... well. If that's what you want to call it.

Okay, well is not the right word. I found out that half the people in the Seireitei, are fuckin' loons. I swear, I can't wait to return to my office of papers.

Pushing the door open... I saw a man, he was sleeping drool was comin' out of his mouth as he slept. _Another one? _Wow, first Kimono dude then him. Damn half the people here _are_ crazy.. Then the other one was at a desk working diligently as her boobs almost poured out from her Shihakushō.

"Um hello?" I asked, keeping a look out for _him_. So far so good. The man burst up, grabbing me from my armpits.

"I'VE GAINED A DAUGHTER!" He cheered, swinging me in circles. How da' hell am I his daughter!

_Think I'm going to puke_, I moaned in ny mind. Bitting my lips to keep from yelling at him. _Fuck_. I might have ta' kill him. As best as I could I reached for the handle on my Zanpakutō. I almost reached it when, the big boob lady yelled at him.

"Taicho! Stop!" He did as told, stopping in me in midair but still holding me to look at his Fukutaicho. "Put. Her. Down!" She ordered like a dog master, and he did as told. Tears pouring comically out of his eyes.

I blinked up at her, being at the normal-ish height of 5'2. Not too short, but still... I have to look up at a lot of people. "Hi! I'm Rangiku, you are?" She asked blinking down at me, ignoring her Taicho that was holding onto her legs and crying.

_Fuckin' loons._"U-um Uragiri, the new Third Seat of the Eleventh Squad." I shivered, can I go back to workin' now? He's obviously not here, so can I just leave!

"Oh your here for Hitsu-Chan." She giggled, whilst I shivered at the mention of his name. Damn him, givein' me shivers. I blew air out of my mouth, folding my arms under my boobs.

Great now I feel inadequate compared to her, what she's like a size H while I'm a size C. At least I have something to look at, kinda. _Fine at least I'm not flat!_ Sighing, I decided I didn't like this girl.

And yes it is based purely of of jealousy. Like I said, I don't like people who make me feel inadequate, or stupid. _Great_, now I'm starting to hate people off of jealously.

"Can I just leave please?" I asked, already hating this squad with a passion. The squad with a Dick, a Loon and a Big Boob whatever. Big Boob describes her well enough.

"Hitsu-Kun will be right back!" She giggled, poking at my cheeks. _I. Hate. Her_. Maybe I can have Zaraki kill her? Eh, probably not but it's worth a try.

Raising a eyebrow, I muttered, "More reason to leave." Licking my lips, I backed myself towards the door. Watching as Rangiku tried to push her Taicho off her leg while yelling at him.

Maybe I can sneak out and get some Hayashi Raisu, or Udon. Umm, Udon that sounds good right about now. Hopefully the Soutaicho will let me skip the others and not get on my ass. One can only hope.

Not releasing the death grip I had on my Zanpakuto, I backed up slowly. Hitting into my Squad Two instincts. If you feel like a ninja, you are a ninja. Like a shadow. Like a shadow in the night. Like a shadow in a shadow at night. Like a- I don't have anymore. But you get the idea.

My back hit someone, and I froze as Rangiku squealed, "Hitsugaya!" I gulp. Readying my hand to pull out my Zanpakuto again.

"Watch where your going." He said coldly, as I felt a glare stabbing me in the back. I snorted, _those_ are the first words he's says when he meets me again. Although he doesn't know its me.

Turing around ready to leave, Rangiku said yet another stupid thing. "Hitsu-Chan, the Third Seat of the Eleventh Squad is here to meet you, Uragiri I think!" I will slap that bitch some day. Cut up her corpse so bad you won't be able recognize her.

Bwah haha, murder is allowed in the Seireitei right?

Ready to make a run for it, I turned around. My one free eye meeting his cold blue eyes, for a split second. _Damn_, I really hate the Seireitei already. Shoulda' never left my home. I miss it so bad. Miss the paperwork I don't have to do.

Running for the door, my hand still never left my Zanpakuto. I faintly heard him calling for me as I ran. And his hand almost catching the edge of my Shihakushō. Thank Kami I didn't. I'm not ready to face him yet.

_Toshiro Third person_

He missed her, by an inch. He could of apologized, he could have said sorry. But she ran, he couldn't help but see that disgusted look cross her face when she left.

Sighing, Toshiro rubbed his head. Watching the last place her saw her running he sighed again. He really messed things up. Clenching his fists, he ignored his Taicho and his Fukutaicho as they argued about yet another stupid thing.

Couldn't they just shut up already? His eye twitched, as he turned seeing Rangiku trying to shake Issin off her legs.

Next time he saw her, he'd make her listen to him. He'd make her listen to him apologize.

_Normal P.O.V_

Licking my lips, I drowned the glass of sake. Tapping my nails against my side table, I leaning my head against the wall as I laid on her futon. Any plans of going out was ruined by _him_.

Ugh, just thinking about him gives me shivers. Ugly bastard. Pursing my lips together, _I wonder_ _when we'll have to see each other_. I hope never. Rather die by the hands of my Taicho.

"Emo-Chan!" Yachiru yelled, barging into the room. Making me spill my sake all over my floor. I blushed as some landed in my crotch.

"W-what is it Y-Yachiru?" My mouth asked while I paying attention to scrubbing up the liquid with a cloth off of my table. Nibbling my lip in frustration, I glanced up at her.

"Momo-Chan asked me to give this to you!" She giggled, handing me an envelope. Wow she actually calls someone by their name, huge surprise. Snorting I watched as she rushed out of my room like a bullet.

She's quick I'll give her that.

Ignoring the sake on my crotch, I opened the envelope.

_Dear Giri,_

_Tomorrow Aizen-Taicho and Ichimaru-Fukutaicho invited me to a restaurant. They said I could bring a friend, would you like to come with me? Just asking._

_-Momo_

Go with Ichimaru? Hell no. But Momo did invite me. Maybe she can make it bearable. But still a entire meal, having to look at yet another male I hate.

Maybe I should just sign off males all together. That'd be nice. No males. Actually that'd be heaven. Be a lesbian. Not half bad.

Egh, never mind I'd never be able to stop thinking about male d- part... Plus I don't think I could live without look at ass.

There goes that idea.

Fine. I'll go with Momo. And just because I don't want the silver haired freak looking at her the wrong way. If he even opens his eyes I'm hitting him!

Nodding to myself I crawled onto the futon more, getting into a more better position.

[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}[}

Looking around awkwardly, I cleared my throat. Tapping my nails on the table out of a new habit. Shifting in my seat uncomfortably, I blushed tomato when both the men with me staired at me.

"U-um, something stuck in my throat." I lied, looking across the restaurant. _This isn't weird at all_. One of the men chuckled, whilst the other nodded, obviously seeing my lie. "Do ya' know where Momo is?" I asked both, looking at them straight on.

"Naw, somthin' 'bout the Soutaicho. Said she'd, be here tho'." Gin, as he had forced me to call him, informed, resting his chin on his folded hands. Nodding, I looked away from his intense stare.

Why does he do this. I don't get creeped out that easily. He's gunna' have to try harder, then this if he's trying to creep me out. Or maybe this is his was of telling people that he's has an interest in them? _Kami I hope not_.

In all actually, I think he does. Either that or he's a good actor. Today he delivered paperwork to me, himself. Doesn't Squads like his usually have lower members to do crap like that? And I quote he said when I asked him, "Because I wanna'd to look at yur, pretty face."

Doesn't he get that I don't like him!

It wouldn't be so bad, if he didn't make fun of me all the time. He's actually really hot, I'd date him. _Eh, thinking about dating _him. _Blah_.

"Is something wrong Third Seat Ju-" But held up my hand, halting his words.

"Just call me Uragiri please, it's easier this way." Aizen nodded, a small smirk crossing his face for a split second before it left and he smiled 'kindly'.

"Whatya' want me ta' call ya'?" Gin asked, frowing or pouting. Something like that.

"Same." I shrugged, sipping the tea that had been placed before me. His grin returned, as she went back to starring at me intently. Can he even see with his eyes like that? I can see through my hair like this, so I guess he'd be able to.

"So as I was saying, are you okay Uragiri-San?" Aizen asked, tilting his head to the side lightly.

"Yes sir." I replied bowing my head.

"I heard that you have yet to get Shikai, is that true?" He asked again, giving a closed eye smile this time. Damn_,_ what is this the Spanish Inquisition?

Nibbling my bottom lip I blushed, nodding, "Yeah." I sighed, touching my finger to the rim of the glass, swirling it.

"And yet ya' got tha' position ya' have now?" Gin commented, "Wonder how powerful ya'd be if ya' had it."

I often wonder that also. And if it was a Kido type, if I would have to move from the Eleventh Squad. Probably, but I think I'd get another high seated position again. And I wouldn't have as much paperwork to do. Thank Kami, and all higher powers.

Maybe I can get someoneto help me achieve Shikai. My Zanpakuto has talked to me, let me come to the spirit world, and let me see its true form. Well actually I have a twin Zanpakuto, only I don't have two Katana's. Usually only the boy talks to me. And he is sooo annoying.

As if reading my mind Aizen suggested something, "Would you like help obtaining Shikai?" He asked, "I'd be willing to help, and I'm sure Gin would also." Giving me yet another fake smile.

"Y-yes! Arigato!" I blushed, burying my head in my bangs. Then I lifted my head again, looking at the man, "May I ask Aizen-Taic-" He held up a hand much like I did to him.

"Please call me Souske." He asked-ish, putting hand down, as I nodded, "Now as you were saying?"

"O-okay, Souske-Kun, but how are you going to get my Shikai?" It felt weird calling a Taicho by there first name. It also felt weird to be sitting across from one and be sitting next to a Fukutaicho.

Yup, the silver haired man was sitting next to me. And my leg was touching his, it almost felt like flirting. Especially if we were five inches closer then our thighs and shoulders would be touching.

And in a way, a very twisted way I wished our thighs were touching. Mmm, and I kinda wish we _are_ flirting.

"Life or death. In situations like this, if your about to die usually your Zanpakuto will tell you it's name." He explained, resting his chin on his palm.

I snorted, "If I knew that I'd just ask my Taicho."

Both men chuckled, As I looked to the door hearing it open. Momo smiled, and waved to me grinning. Walking over to us, she sat next to her Taicho still in her Shihakushō. "Sorry Taicho, Fukutaicho, and Giri-Chan. There was a problem in the East Rukongai, the Soutaicho ordered me to take care of it." She apologized bowing her head.

Aizen waved his hand dismissively, "It's fine Momo-San." She nodded smiling, _she is so in love with him it's not funny_,I smiled, "Now let's order."

The waitress came up to us, smiling flirtatiously, and I couldn't help but narrow my eyes. I am a very jealous, and possessive person, that is one thing to learn about me. Subconsciously, I scooted closer to Gin, our thighs touching. I blushed, looking at the waitress.

"I'd like Yudofu, please." I said, giving her my menu. She gave me a seething glare, writing our orders down before retiring to the kitchen. _To bad bitch._

Just noticing how close to Gin I was I blushed, "Oh, sorry." I apologized, skooting away. Well trying. But failing.

His arm was wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me in closely to his chest. I couldn't help but breath in the smell of ink, and metal. It was a nice smell compared to the smell of old musty paper."It's fine sweetheart, I don't mind." He murmured lowly.

Ignoring him, I looked over to Momo, and Aizen who were both solely on each other.

Wai-! ARE WE FLIRTING! Gah!

It feels so wrong... But nice.

Yup, I just used that cliche, sue me.

Gin's other hand was on my knee cap, as he leaned back into his seats back. His other hand almost groaping my boob, while his other hand moved to my thigh.

_Who does he think I am!?_ Fine if that's the way he wants to play things? Let's play. I've had a bad day, and I'm wanting to take it out on someone.

Taking my left hand off the table I moved it on to his right leg, keeping a poker face on. Moving it up slowly, I got to the point to where I was _almost_ touching it. Looking at his face I saw his eyes actually open. _Open._

I would blow him if he would open his eyes again. _Um, that was improper. _But true.

You know who people usually fall in love with a person because of one quality. It's the eyes for me. I fell in love with Toshiro because of his eyes.

I'm not saying I'm in love with Gin. Hell no! But I like him a bit more now.

I bit my lip to keep from smiling, as he stared down at me. "Hi?"

"Wha' ya' think yur doin'?" He asked, narrowing his eyes again. _Damn_. Open em'!

"What does it look like?" I replied, moving my hand to graze over his... thing. His eyes opened again slightly, giving me a view of his eyes. Removing my hand, I got up from my chair, I leaned to his ear, and whispered, "I maybe a blushing, and stuttering girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not a perv."

I turned to the other two, who were still talking, "I'm going to the restroom." They nodded absent mindlessly.

I walked into the bath room an locked the door turning on the faucet, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was blushing, and my pupils were dilated. Instead of a braid my hair was down, but with hair still covering my left eye.

_I am such a virgin_. I moaned in my mind, splashing cold water on my face.

**Yup ya' are, gotta' problem with it?** He asked, snickering.

_Shut up_. I thought half heartedly. Resting my head on the sink.

**Now go out there an' get 'em tiger!**

[}[}[}[}

"Bye Momo!" I waved, as she and her Taicho walked off to there separate rooms. Turning to the opposite way, I looked blankly as Gin stood next to me. "What about, aren't ya' going ta' bed."

"Figured I'd be a gentleman an' take ya' ta' ya' room?" The addressed grinned, following me as I walked on the dirt road of the Serietiri. It's kinda obvious he has more plans then that.

Ignoring him, my thoughts wondered to my training. Aizen said in a week him and Gin would help me obtain my Shikai, but would it really work? I'm starting to doubt the chocolate haired man.

No matter how cute he is. That's right cute, like a bunny rabbit. The kinda cute where ya' just want to hug em'. Hot is like Kenpachi, Byakuya, or even Gin. I shutter at him being hot, it hurts to admit it but he is.

Walking into the Squad Eleven, I looked behind me and saw Gin was about a foot away from me. _Great_. Now he's going to know where I sleep... Great. Opening the bamboo screen, to my room I looked at Gin. "Bye." I said blandly, leaving no room for argument.

"Bye, Giri-Chan." He waved, leaving to go down the halls of the Eleventh Squad.

Good he's gone, closing my door. I walked over to the futon and collapsed. Sinking deeper and deeper into the nice soft bed. Hoping when I woke up then all my problems in the world would be gone.


	4. Sorrrrrrryyyyyy

Due to my Kindle taking a poop, which I was writing on and had all my chapters on, I cannot upload any more. So for now all my story's are on a temp hiatus. I know, I know I'm the worst and you can all flame me but whatever. Again sorry, but soon I am getting a new tablet and then I'll write extra long chapters. Love Ya's, Bloody Riceball Format: Story DocX ng on and had saved all my story's on 


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